Monday, June 21, 2010

My Current Frustration

Remember when you were sixteen and you had your whole life ahead of you, but you wanted it to be here now? That is my current frustration. I'm so incredibly excited to graduate from high school and go on to college. I want to start studying music theory and join a college choir and learn what it is I have to learn. There is so much out there that I don't know and I'm yearning to learn it and discover whole new (for the lack of a better word) things in the world of music. My choir teacher says music theory is hard, but I look forward to the challenge. I want to know everything there is to know. And it's so frustrating because I've got two long years ahead of me. I've been trying to get my hands on materials-I reserved a book on music theory and another on music's psychological effects on the brain, among others-but never got a notice so I was unable to actually read them.

Which leads me to another frustration. I know I'm meant to teach music, but it seems like the world is against me, as it often is. My mother doesn't want me to be a choir teacher; she says I'm too smart for that. Does she not understand how much it takes to read and compose music, sightread, play piano, teach parts, etc, etc? Things my incredibly smart choir teacher does every day? Teaching choir isn't nearly as easy as it looks and on days when I am frustrated with the way my choir or another choir is sounding, I can only imagine how it is for our teacher. Music is much more complex than anyone gives it credit for.
And again, with the books. I was so excited when I reserved them, thinking that finally, in just a few weeks, I could delve into the complicated paragraphs and lessons. But it was to no avail.

I just wish I could begin the next chapter of my life. It's coming, but not fast enough.

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