Surgery

Today is the fourth consecutive day of posting and although I plan on posting something every day, I know it will eventually taper off as I know not every day will be post-worthy.

Having always had extremely large tonsils, I've dealt with a host of complications in my lifetime, including tonsil stones and sleep apnea. The latter caused me to be chronically tired for years - I could sleep for 8 hours, be awake for two, then sleep for another three hours. Additionally, I was diagnosed with asthma in February and I'm hoping (although I don't know that the two are even connected) that it is a result of air flow being constricted by the large size of my tonsils.

But tomorrow, all my problems are being solved. I should have had it done years ago, but I'm getting a tonsillectomy. I'm due to arrive at nine, which means surgery probably won't even begin until ten. I'm not to eat or drink anything after midnight, so I'll definitely be up at 11:30, eating a sandwich and having some water. I know that's cutting it close, but I know I won't want to eat after surgery.

I'm nervous, though. I've never had surgery before and I know with every use of anesthesia, there is a chance of the patient not waking up. The odds are 1:500,000 but someone has to be that one. There's also the chance of waking up during surgery, about 0.1%.
I also am scared I'm going to be loopy all day and say things I would never dream of saying in a lucid state. I should bring duct tape and tape my mouth shut.
However, my most extreme fear is that I'll wake up and not be able to sing. I don't care how ridiculous this fear is. If I ended up like Julie Andrews, I would probably die. Just think of the thing you love most, then imagine never being able to do that again.

I think I need to restate myself. I'm not nervous.

I'm terrified.