Tuesday, September 6, 2011


My sister and I have a mutual friend who is married, 30, and gave birth to gorgeous twin girls about a month ago. Two weeks ago, I had the opportunity to hold one of the girls and my heart broke with happiness.
"This makes me want to have a baby of my own!" I said as I cuddled the absolutely tiny and adorable little being. Because I do. My age and lack of a spouse is the only thing stopping me. I've talked about how much I want kids in the past and I'll talk about it until the cows come home, because that's just me.

On Sunday, my sister saw our friend at church and also held one of the girls. Last night, she and I were talking about it, and she told me that all she could think about was how she just couldn't be a mother.
"It's so much sacrifice," Sarah said. "They're so much responsibility. Especially when they're that young. I mean, Micah (another friend's baby), I'm good with holding him because he's older."
"That just shows how different we are," I said. "Because all I could think was how much I want one."
Honestly, though, that's how it's always been. I've been the one drawn to babies and caring for younger kids. Every other Sunday for the past two-and-a-half years, I've volunteered in the two's classroom at my church. Before I moved to Arizona, I'd volunteered for about a year in the nursery at my old church. Even with my cousins, the difference between Sarah and I showed. Whenever we had a family gathering, I was the one playing with our younger cousins, while she usually spent time with the eldest.
Now, my sister is a self-centered person, and I don't mean that in a cutting or condescending way. She has goals, aspirations, and an idea of how she wants to live her life. A life that just doesn't include children. Because that's not who she is.
I believe women have it in them from the time they are young whether or not they're going to be mothers one day. It isn't like a switch flipped in Sarah on her 15th birthday and she decided she wasn't cut out for motherhood. No, we've always had our respective roles, and we always will.
I'm meant to be a mother, and whether it's to biological, foster, or adopted children, I will be happy. Children are a part of my dreams, my life, my being.

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