A Bit of Time

So here it is: 2:06 am and I have time to write! But I'm not complaining because writing is writing, no matter where or when it occurs.

One thing that's been on my mind lately is how long I've lived in my current, well, abode. I moved to Arizona from Missouri three years ago the 11th, and that blows my mind away. If, when I was moving out here, someone would have told me exactly how my life would be right now, I would have laughed in their face.

Me, braces? A lavender room? Not possible.
But through God, all things are possible.

I suppose the biggest reason I am blown away with how many years I've been here is that this is-excluding my first three and 1/2 years of life-the longest time I have ever lived in one geographical area.
To show you what I mean, let me give you a list.

Birth-3&1/2: Grandma's house
3&1/2-5: 'B' Apartments
5-6: 'C' Apartments
6-8: Lake Viking
8-9: S&C's, 'C' Apartments
9: AZ (2 weeks)
9-11: 'C' Apartments
11: AZ (7 months)
11-13: A&R's, A&D's, 'L' Apartments, 'W' House
13-16: AZ, Aunt's, 'G' Apartments, 'F' Apartments, Aunt's

So in conclusion, I have moved a grand total of 17 times. The longest time I'd spent at one school was two years and eight months, and about halfway through my freshman year, it hit me.

I would graduate from the same high school I'd begun at.

I will never switch schools again, ever.
And that-to a girl who attended nine schools (five in one year alone)?

Is a wonderful feeling.

Until next time, all my love.

Long Time No Type

It's been nearly three months since I last posted on this blog. I have-on days-sat down with every intention of writing a blog (and I think I even have a few drafts from those days) and instead, have found myself caught up in doing something else.
I've been extremely busy, seeing as this school year is by far the most difficult, and as a result of the numerous activities I'm involved in. However, the theatre production I'm in is ending this week, which means I will have more time on my hands than I know what to do with!

Until I get a job, that is.

But until I do, if I have a free moment and if the Sims or Facebook doesn't distract me, I will sit down and update.

Until then, all my love.

School & Possibilities

Today marks halfway through the fourth week of my junior year and I am loving it. The days pass by so quickly, all of my classes are fun, full of friends, and really close together (which is fantastic), and I'm a part of Speech & Debate, Chess, and NHS.

It really amazes me how fast these past years have flown by, because I remember my first day of freshman year and thinking, 'I've got four years ahead of me to do everything I want'. I was genuinely looking forward to those four years, too. I had goals and expectations for myself and just had so many things planned out.

Then freshman year ended and I was no longer the bottom of the high school rank, but still an underclassman. Sophomore year went painstakingly slow, especially in the second semester, but like freshman year, it was suddenly over. Now, with many things I do, I think to myself, 'This year and the next. That's all you have.' And it's a sappy thing. It's sad because my high school expereince is half over, when it seemed just two short years ago that this day would never come; but it's also happy because I'm moving onto the next greatly anticipated phase of life- college.

So I'm trying to make the most out of my last two years of high school, joining clubs I never thought I'd join, like chess, and being more friendly and outgoing. I've gained many friends and gotten closer to more and I'm really excited to see what all of this will bring.



Now, the possibilities-well possibility-I'm talking about is the fact that I'm thinking of starting a vlog channel on YouTube. I'd call it 'The Life and Times of Ellie D.' and I'd just talk about what's going on in my life, maybe do some hauls, and then I'd have a section called 'Ask Me Mondays' where subscribers could email me questions such as 'Why is the sky blue?' or 'What is the name of Band of Horses' new album?' Just whatever they wanted to, so long as it was appropriate. I'd just have to figure out how to do everything, like upload and edit the video, since my computer is incredibly old.

I may be learning how to play the drums (!!!) and will hopefully be getting a job soon. I am excited for life!

My Speech

When Gary Best was speaking Tueday night, the words came into my head, "People should look at us and say, 'I want that'." And I don't mean who we are, like 'oh that guy is hot' or 'that girl', I mean who we are.
Who we are really has two sides, spiritual and secular. The spiritual is that we need to learn how to rely on God in times of trouble. Psalms 55:22 says "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee." When we're going through tough times, we need to trust God and tell him we need his help, because he can do anything. However, it is also said that God helps them who helps themselves. While this isn't in the Bible, it serves as a good reminder that although we ought to rely on God to help us, we need to take ownership of our mistakes. If you've wronged somebody, pray to God that He will help mend the relationship, but also do your part and apologize to the person, try to make it up to them. If you've been wronged, pray to God that He'll give you an open heart to accept the apology of whomever wronged you.
Alongside this, if you're having difficulties in school, whether it be high school or college, pray to God that he'll give you a spirit of wisdom and knowledge to learn and recall information during tests. If you find yourself in a situation you don't want to be in, or find yourself in an emotion rut, pray to God to help you find a way out. Whatever your situation is, know that God is always there for you and He is ready and willing to lend a helping hand.

The other side of who we are is the secular side. Teenagers are the most judgmental age group because we look at someone and almost immediately find reasons not to like them. They're too tall, too short, their laugh is annoying, they're weird. Whatever it is, we are always quick to see the wrong in people. What's wrong with that is, we have the world's eyes. We judge, we gossip, put down, and persecute. As Christians, we need to have God's eyes. We ought to look at someone and see them as God's creation. He made them exactly as they are and we should love them. They are a child of God, and so are we. How we act towards someone is crucially important because often, people have bad opinions of Christians. We need to be a shining light of God's love and show people how Christians really are. Because you never know. You might be the only example of a Christian in someone's life, the only person who can teach them about Jesus and maybe give them that wonderful gift you already have, the gift of eternal life with Jesus Christ.

So as you're going about your days, in everything you do, try to be an example of God's love for us. I guarantee it will change things.

Me Against the World

Today, my aunt, sister, and I were sitting, eating lunch and talking. My sister said she doesn't see why we've gone through everything we have in our lives, and I replied that it's because it made us who we are. My sister disagreed and said, "Who says I want to be this person?" "Well," I said, "what if our lives were different? What if our father wasn't who he is and we had lived our whole lives in Chicago in a home and gone to school? We might not have cared about school, we might have dropped out at sixteen."

I then went on to say how I believe everything in life ties in, something I'd been thinking of just a few days ago. "Like, God had you move here," I said to my aunt. "Then we moved here because you lived here and now we go to our high school because of that. And if we hadn't gone to GHS, I might not have become a choir teacher, because the choir program there is amazing."

However, I have not received much encouragement on wanting to become a teacher. I'm told that I need to get scholarships. Nobody really asks me where I'd like to go to college, what I'd like to do with my life, and why. If I talk about my wanting to teach, I don't get much of a response. What is so wrong with doing something I love and am good at?

I seriously feel like crying sometimes. I wish I had someone to say, "You'd make a great choir teacher, Elizabeth. I know how much you love music." I do have one person who encourages me and will, I believe, no matter what I choose to do (as long as it's right, that is). She loves music as much as I do, so I've got someone who understands me and I know she knows how it feels not to be understood. Musicians often aren't, anyway. I just wish that encouragement came from more than one source. But non-artistic people have a hard time understanding artistic people, and I get that. It's just so frustrating.

I've always wanted to marry a chef, but I think I need to marry someone musically inclined, like me. That way, we'll always have each other.

After all, what's wrong with music?

My Current Frustration

Remember when you were sixteen and you had your whole life ahead of you, but you wanted it to be here now? That is my current frustration. I'm so incredibly excited to graduate from high school and go on to college. I want to start studying music theory and join a college choir and learn what it is I have to learn. There is so much out there that I don't know and I'm yearning to learn it and discover whole new (for the lack of a better word) things in the world of music. My choir teacher says music theory is hard, but I look forward to the challenge. I want to know everything there is to know. And it's so frustrating because I've got two long years ahead of me. I've been trying to get my hands on materials-I reserved a book on music theory and another on music's psychological effects on the brain, among others-but never got a notice so I was unable to actually read them.

Which leads me to another frustration. I know I'm meant to teach music, but it seems like the world is against me, as it often is. My mother doesn't want me to be a choir teacher; she says I'm too smart for that. Does she not understand how much it takes to read and compose music, sightread, play piano, teach parts, etc, etc? Things my incredibly smart choir teacher does every day? Teaching choir isn't nearly as easy as it looks and on days when I am frustrated with the way my choir or another choir is sounding, I can only imagine how it is for our teacher. Music is much more complex than anyone gives it credit for.
And again, with the books. I was so excited when I reserved them, thinking that finally, in just a few weeks, I could delve into the complicated paragraphs and lessons. But it was to no avail.

I just wish I could begin the next chapter of my life. It's coming, but not fast enough.

Surgery Post Two

I woke up hungry after I had a dream about cake, but unfortunately couldn't eat. I'd been worried about not drinking anything - over the past couple of days, if I didn't have anything to drink for more than an hour, I would start to feel nauseated. I did feel a little queasy, but nothing too serious.

After picking up my mom from her apartment, we headed up to the surgery center and checked me in. I was a little nervous, but I still had the feeling that the surgery wasn't actually happening.

Not too much later, we were taken across the courtyard to the actual surgery center. I had to change into a gown-hairnet, socks, and all-and other SOPs. In another, smaller waiting room, a woman gave me an IV and it hurt, even when I wasn't moving my hand. Dr. Osborne and the anethesiologist both came and talked to us and I raised the question of them being careful since I sing. My choir teacher had advised me to tell them this, as had researching online. I asked them to use the smallest tube possible when intubating me and they did.
Finally, it was time to go back and as soon as the woman walked me through the door back to the operating room I started to cry. I was just really nervous about what was about to happen, and a little scared. I laid down on the table and started humming to calm myself down, alongside praying to God that everything would go smoothly.
The same woman who gave me the IV put something in it to make me relax; at the same time, Dr. Osborne put the anesthesia mask over my face and told me to 'breathe deeply'. I did, and after a few breaths, my brain, my whole face and throat, and IV arm felt like they were on fire. I'd stopped crying by that point, but I started again from the pain, and I drifted off.

When I came to, the nurse was telling me I needed to wake up. I sat up, got dressed, then was taken out to the car via wheelchair. At home, my mom set me up in bed where I pretty much was-or on the couch-for the next three days.
I had a Chuck marathon with my mom, who was over all week, which was nice because I got caught up on some episodes I'd missed. I also learned more about my father, who has never been present in my life.

It's been ten days now and I've been feeling fantastic since Wednesday, except for one incident that involved me and an empty stomach. It's a little strange not having my tonsils anymore because I've always been able to say 'I still have my tonsils', but not anymore. It's like when I turn a new year, but I keep wanting to say I'm my old age.

I'm just happy to say that my first surgery was a success and I hopefully won't be having any more for a long time.