Friday, December 30, 2011

Make Stuff Happen

I have to admit that lately, I've been struggling with fear. In fact, much of 2011 has been spent in fear. After I returned from vacation, I was cut-off - meaning I had to start paying for things myself. I feared that I wouldn't be able to do so, mostly because I didn't even have a job. Then I did get a job and the excitement was short lived, replaced by the fear that I wouldn't do well and replaced by my not wanting to go to work. Of course, that brought on the fear that I was lazy and I'd spend the rest of my life sitting on the couch, watching TV or something.
In fact, a lot of my fears were justified this year. I feared I would get kicked out of my aunt's house for a inane reason, and I did. I feared I wouldn't make it into the music school of my choice, and I didn't. And although I will apply again, my life is forever changed.
Now, I fear that I'm not taking the appropriate steps to get into college. Once again, I'm being lazy and avoiding filling out scholarships or calling the admissions office for help with switching my major and the like. And that scares me. I tell myself that if I don't do what I need to do, I won't be able to afford college, and yet that is not enough to spur me on.

My resolution for 2012, my mantra, is to make stuff happen. Make what I want to happen, happen. Which, if you think about it, pretty much covers any other resolution I could make. So while the resolution of 'make stuff happen' is rather broad, it keeps me from overloading with other resolutions and then becoming disappointed when I don't reach those resolutions, as happens every year. I'm keeping it simple and I'm striving to loosen my fearfulness of the world and what's in it.
Let's not see where 2012 takes us. Let's see where we take 2012.

2 comments:

  1. I hope things are going better for you now. Crossing my fingers!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! Things definitely have been :)

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