Saturday, March 19, 2011
I don't know what I'm going to write about. I just feel like writing. I got my permit today. I'm so relieved I don't have to worry about it anymore. No more studying or wondering when I can go take the test again. I'm not going to pretend anymore. I'm going to be myself 100% and not worry about what anyone says. Why do some people get married fresh out of college and it lasts, while others are in their late 20's to early 30's and still unlucky in love? I don't know. I've got a lot of thoughts rolling through my head. I want some answers. I have questions I've kept in my head my whole life, and it's about time they came out. I look in the mirror and I don't even know all of who I am. I apparently look more like my father's side of the family, but how am I to know when I've never even met my father? I want to know if I've got his jaw, or his mom's nose, or if I'm the spitting image of a sister or cousin. I want to know where I came from. I'm just so tired of being half a person with half a family. I know that my father wasn't a good person, but he's still my father and part of who I am. There's an entire part of myself I may never know and I can't deal with that. I need to know. I need closure. I want to look in the mirror and see me. It's too hard, going through life like this. I can't even explain what I'm feeling right now, and writing is my strong suit. I just need to know.
Posted by Ellie D at 1:51 AM